Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
