Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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