i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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