I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
