You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
