ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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