There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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