Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
