sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
