Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
