Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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