it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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