this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
