U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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