I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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