It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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