I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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