Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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