So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
