i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
