so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
