look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
