dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
