How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
