I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
