i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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