Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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