I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
