a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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