Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
