dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize