Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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