Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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