I skipped work to stalk him.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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