Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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