Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
