no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Someone came in the potted fern
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
