hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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