we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
