hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
