Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
