What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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