fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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