I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
