Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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