that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
