ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
