we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
