"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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