I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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