Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
