O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
