In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
