I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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