My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
