I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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