so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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