...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
