she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
