I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
