I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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