Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
