why didn't you poke me back
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
