my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
