his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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