you're like a bully in the Christmas story
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
