dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
