it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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