my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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