Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
