I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
