You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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